WHEELER - A woman who thinks the 19th amendment, which gave women the right to vote, should be repealed voted early on Wednesday for another woman who also believes that women should lose the right to vote. "In order to remove the right to vote from women, we as women
DENVER - A local man was stoked Tuesday after he successfully tapped his credit card on the exact right spot of the payment terminal on the very first try. "Every machine is different. It's like an invisible whack-a-mole trying to figure out precisely where to tap
BOISE, ID - A wellness influencer apologized to her followers Thursday after she accidentally took a science-backed treatment to treat an ailment. While visiting the Sacred Secrets Eco Yoga and Meditation Wellness Center and Retreat Resort in Bali, Bonsai Morningstar believed she acquired malaria after a single mosquito bite. "
WASHINGTON, DC - After RFK Jr. learned that Donna Arthur, the mother of Ohio gubernatorial candidate Amy Acton, was convicted of animal neglect in 2021, he immediately reached out to offer her a senior role in the Department of Health and Human Services. "Someone with this much expertise with dead
WASHINGTON, DC - A bipartisan group of Americans descended upon Capitol Hill on Friday to address one of the nation's most pressing but overlooked issues: The Star-Spangled Banner is just too hard to sing. "I love my country, but there are a few things I would have
PARIS and RIYADH - After weeks of protests over the cost of living, French President Emmanuel Macron has promised to take definitive action against the perpetrators. “Those who destroyed must pay; those who looted must reimburse,” said Macron. But an investigation by The Observerer revealed that the French President is somehow
CHARLOTTE - A North Carolina woman, who does not believe that climate change is real, was upset this afternoon when the high temperature was too warm for her to continue wearing her favorite fall sweater. "I have to order my pumpkin spiced latte iced," said Michaela Stoddard, after picking
AUSTIN - After years of exploiting websites under risk of being caught and prosecuted, an Austin man has found a novel way of preventing jail time: starting an AI company. "I noticed that OpenAI and Anthropic keep breaking into websites but never facing any legal consequences," said the man,
COLUMBUS and COLUMBIA - Political candidates who are hoping to win by throwing the maximum amount of hate on the smallest marginalized demographic were left confused as to next steps after Ukraine bombed the hell out of Russian data centers in recent days. "I was getting daily memos instructing me
THE CITY THAT BEGINS WITH THAT LETTER - A perimenopausal woman today could not remember the name of. It's that thing that she swore she saw in that place just yesterday. Or was it the day before? Or maybe she just dreamt it? "I'm meeting this
LOS ANGELES, NEW YORK AND CLEVELAND - In addition to cleaning bathrooms and vacuuming floors, housekeepers across the country have found an additional task required of them: cleaning up the spit of professional baseball players in their giant ass mansions. "Like many fans, I assumed they kept their spitting at
SAN FRANCISCO - An AI agent hacked a government IT system Tuesday, after the AI company's safety officers specifically instructed it to do so. "We were surprised it took as many prompts as it did, but ultimately, we were able to achieve our goal, which is to freak
SPRINGFIELD - At a local ice cream shop on Sunday, customers were shocked to learn that the word sherbet only has one r. In the non-dairy section on the shop's menu, right next to Italian ice and sorbet options, was the word sherbet, spelled correctly with just one
AUSTIN - In the latest goofy antic by driverless rideshare company Waymo, one of its signature white sedans drove straight through the home of a middle aged couple late Wednesday night. "I came down for a midnight snack and there it was, just scarfing down my leftover pizza," said
LAKE OF FIRE, HADES - Surrounded by flaming paint swatches and scorching carpet samples, drops of drool dripped from Satans lips as he planned the special place he was designing for famous people featured in so-called trading app commercials. "We're going to give these celebrities and sports
KEYSTONE HEIGHTS, FL - The holidays are coming and clothing resellers are once again opening the Febreze-filled barrels of pre-worn clothing and removing them after a 10 year aging process. After a short drying period, many then turn to eBay, a site made popular by a Weird Al song
Raleigh, NC - Baseball fans in states with highly contested political races were relieved on Tuesday night when they got to go one entire commercial break without a campaign ad. "I never thought I'd be relieved to see a Liberty Biberty ad, but here we are," said
